I Refuse Abuse - Facts About Abuse

Domestic Abuse is a silent crime behind closed doors. A silent killer!

Government figures show that around two women a week are murdered by their partners and up to ten suicides every week are attributed to domestic violence. Yet preventing it and bringing perpetrators to justice is hugely difficult.

It is the most common cause of morbidity worldwide in a woman aged between 19 and 44 - a casualty rate greater than war, cancer or motor vehicle accidents. It is not just women who suffer, men too are affected 1 in 6 men which 1/3 of having a female abuser.

Children are the forgotten victims in the abuse at home. They have no say in our daily choices we make.

NATIONAL DOMESTIC VIOLENCE HOTLINE

1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or TTY 1-800-787-3224.

FOR AMERICAN RESIDENCE

There are different types of Abuse

Domestic Abuse is not just about physical violence, though that is often the most visible and life-threatening manifestation. Domestic Abuse covers a wide range of perpetrations.

Physical Abuse (Domestic Violence)
Verbal Abuse and or non-verbal Abuse (psychological abuse, mental abuse, emotional abuse)
Sexual Abuse
Stalking (this includes cyber stalking with modern technology these days)
Economic Abuse and or Financial Abuse

PHYISCAL ABUSE

Is the use of physical force against the victim in a way that the victim ends up being injured seriously and or killed?

Physical assault is a crime and the police are empowered to protect the victim, it does not matter if it happens in or outside the home, it still is a crime even behind closed doors!

Physical Abuse includes:

Being pushed about, thrown and kicked
Being slapped, hit, punched, kicked, beaten, tripped, battered and bruised, choked and shaken
Being pinched and even bitten and spat at- bones being broken, teeth being knocked out
Being held and constrained in confinement
Being burned, assaulted with a weapon
Murder, every week here in UK at least 2 women die through the hands of their abuser

VERBAL and NON VERBAL ABUSE

Punishing the victim for not obeying the abusers rules

His way or now policy

Verbal abuse is by far worse then physical abuse, whereas physical is visible verbal or none verbal abuse is mental, psychological and or emotional torture. This form of abuse is more subtle in action or behaviour than physical abuse. Studies have shown that verbal and emotional abuse can be much more damaging than physical abuse.

Verbal and non- verbal includes:

Threatening and intimidating the victim to gain control and power over the victim
Constant harassment, screaming, shouting, yelling, name calling toward the victim again to gain power and control
Embarrassing the victim making fun in front of family and friends as in public
Citizen the victims work, achievements and goals only to make the victim feel small
Extremely possessiveness over the victim comings/goings and doings
Isolating the victim from family and friends, making the victim feel guilty in order to stay home more and more
Playing mind games, making the victim totally depend on the abuser to a point to even resign from job any kind of outside the home activities ect.
Excessive checking -up on the victim's whereabouts to make sure they are where they said they would be
Saying very hurtful things (those are the deep scares to stay with the victim for a very long time) under the influence of alcohol/drug but even in a sober state this can happen
Blaming the victim for the abusers actions and behaviour
Making the victim feels useless/helpless without the abuser and impossible to live without the abuser in order to make the victim stay in the relationship
Punishing the victim for not obeying to their my way or no way policies

SEXUAL ABUSE

To force the victim into participating in unwanted and unsafe sex/sexual assault
Forcing the victim in participating in pornographic activities
Spike the victims drink to take advantage of the victim, rape the victim

STALKING

Is harassing and threatening the victim this form of abuse is to be taken very serious and dangerous to the victim, life threatening in many cases.

Stalking haunts the victim in a physical and emotionally devious way. Stalking can happen within a relationship or after a relationship break-up but also through a total stranger. The aim here is to monitor every step of the victim's activities, going and comings. The abuser may try to get their partner back or punish the victim for leaving. Stalking can take place anywhere, at or near the home/workplace, any other way or destination of the victims, over the phone and even the internet.

Stalkers employ very various tactics;

Repeated and constant phone calls
Following, tracking and watching the victims every step and movement, with help of modern technology cameras, even employ a private investigator
Showing up sudden wherever the victims is
Sending unwanted mail, packages, cards, letters and gifts
Contacting the victims friends/family, neighbours at workplace in order to find out the victims coming/goings
Threaten the victim to harm family/friends children even pets
Damaging the victims property, car and home etc

IF you are being stalked seek immediate help! Stalkers can and will turn to violence if they don't achieve what they want! This can be very life-threatening. Call Police for help!

FINANCIAL ABUSE

Withholding money as credit cards from the victim to make then fully depend on the abuser
Stealing from the victim and or defrauding the victim of money and other assets
Withholding physical resources such as clothes, food and other necessary things
Preventing the victim to go out and work to have fully control over the victim, fully isolation

Bear in mind there are so many different types of abuse, those are the most common ones. Hell is a place called home for many of you, to me once it was too but it is not home. There is far more to life than this. LOVE is colourful and not black or being bruised. Love is a two-way street not a fight for daily survival. Happiness is meant to be for all of us not just for a small majority, it is for YOU too.

IT NEVER WILL GET BETTER it gets's worse if you stay.

You can only change yourself and you can never change your abusive partners' behaviour.

National Domestic Violence Helpline on 0808 2000 247 FOR UK Residence

Not sure if you are living with domestic abuse? Answer the following questions:

Does your partner he/she

Look at you or act in ways that scare you?
Control what you do and when and how?
Embarrass you and put you down in public with friends/family and children?
Stop you from seeing friends and family?
Stop you from working?
Make all the decisions 'his/her way or no way' policy?
Take full charge of all the money?
Make you ask for money and sometimes refuse you money for vital essentials?
Tell you always that you are a bad parent and will take the children away, tell social services about your parenting?
Destroys your property and threaten to harm pets and children?
Make you clean and cook to his full satisfaction?
Intimidate you with weapons such as knives and guns?
Slaps you, hits you, kicks you, chokes you, pulls your hair, throws things at you and spits at you?
Calls you names?
Forces you to have sex when you don't want it?
Locks you out of the house or prevents you from leaving the house?
Takes car keys away from you?
Prevent you from calling friends and family-barring the outgoing calls?
Threatens physical violence and uses physical violence?
Threatens to kill you?
Threatens to commit suicide?
Forces you into prostitution/drugs?
Forces you to drop charges by using blackmail?

If you have answered "yes" to just one or more question, you may be in a abusive relationship. I advise you to seek help take a close friend, not mutual, to an agency or drop in centre for domestic abuse and ask for help and information.

Seek help, contact a friend to accompany you, not mutual or at your local drop in centre for domestic abuse, Victim Support or Women's Aid if you are a living in England. For international help look at your local phonebook or check my help lines or see above.

o If you aren't ready to leave the relationship there are still steps you can take to keep safer:

o Have a plan for what you can do in the event of your partner being violent or abusive.

o Think about quick routes out of the house

o Think about letting a friend or family know of the situation and asking them for a safe place to go if you need it.

o Teach your children how to dial 999/911 and what they need to say in an emergency.

o Pack an emergency bag that you can keep somewhere safe or at a trusted friends or neighbors.

o Try to keep your mobile phone with you and charged up or know where to find a phone if necessary.

o If you suspect you are going to be attacked avoid high-risk areas such as the kitchen and try and avoid rooms where you may be trapped e.g. bathrooms. Try to stay in areas of the house with a way out.

o If you want to stay in the house but ask him to leave, there are steps you can take to make your staying safer:

o Apply for an injunction/protection order (see a lawyer)

o Ask your landlord to change the locks or change the locks yourself if it is your house·

o Access floating support or outreach support through National DA Hotline/Women's Aid to assist you in staying at home.

o Get an alarm fitted

o Inform neighbors and agencies that may be involved that you have asked him to leave and that he is no longer living with you.

A growing body of clinical experience and research reveals that domestic violence and child abuse occur in the same families and are highly associated with similar social and economic risk factors. Data also show that children growing up in violent families are more likely to engage in youth violence.

Child abuse and domestic violence often occur in the same family and are linked in a number of important ways that have serious consequences for the safety of all family members as well as for members of the larger community.

First, where one form of family violence exists, there is a strong likelihood that the other one does too.

Second, research shows that the impact on children of witnessing parental domestic violence is strikingly similar to the consequences of being directly abused by a parent, and both experiences are significant contributors to youth violence.

Third, many of the factors highly associated with the occurrence of child abuse are also associated with domestic violence, and many of these are the same factors that put children at risk for youth violence and adult violent crime.

Overlapping all these problems is substance abuse, which is associated with each form of violence as a co-factor. These linkages have important implications for intervention and prevention efforts.