"The most important thing that a father can do for his children is to love their mother"
--Theodore M. Hesburgh
This site is for anyone but especially for children in need. Scroll down and you find;
THE HIDEOUT
Abuse cast a shadow the length of a lifetime over Children!
Children are the silent victims in the Abuse at home.
They have no choice and say in this at all.
Suffering in silence with all this violence
Children are priority, put children first!
You cannot change the abusive behaviour of your spouse but you can change your future and take the SHACKLES off, change your life and the lives for many generations to come.
Children learn good and bad behaviour from us; children growing up with Domestic Abuse are more likely to continue the cycle of Abuse!
Children suffer in silence; they have no say in our daily choices we make.
For many years my children had no say in the daily choices I made consequently, my children witnessed things they should not be exposed to. It is only now that I realise my children never had a say in the daily choices I made, they were silent victims with no voice.
Here are a few ways of how children are drawn direct into the Abuse at home
Studies have shown that unborn babies respond to sounds while in the womb
They also respond to physical as emotional attacks to the mother
Fear, Distress, anxieties can raise the blood-pressure and this too effects the unborn baby
Further, depressions can lead to neglecting vital care for mother and unborn child caused by and through Abuse
Young babies and children are vey much dependent on their carer any distress, feeling or fear or any kind of worries can be sensed by young children, through;
- Seeing it
- Hearing it
- Might being snatched from the carers arm
- Being direct involved in the abuse or worse; hit during outraged behaviour
- Being woken during fights
Younger children will be effected through the violence especially by the unpredictable parent behaviour develop fear at nights especially, nightmares become a routine
Feeling of fear hanging like a cloud over their young lives
Children growing up with Abuse being more likely to use Abuse outside the home, in school, toward friends and in their community
Children growing up living in and with Abuse are more likely to attempt suicide, taking drugs and using violence to boost their self-esteem and enhance reputation, later in life
Children growing up in Abuse luck in self-esteem, neglect of LOVE everyone ought to receive if not robbed of their own being, feeling left out
THE FORGOTTEN VICTIMS
The old children get the worse their behaviour will be, Committing crime to seek the desperate attention so badly needed and wanted, not being able to find what really keeps them here
Children will get more involved the older they get in the ABUSE at home by;
- Protecting the abused parent
- Being caught in the middle
- Being hit themselves
- Trying to break up the fight
Seeing their main carer/parent in distress causes the child to not just being anxious and upset themselves but also turns the older sibling into the role of the grown up
Taking on the main carer chores at home, vital school work be missed out
Children growing up in Abuse are often also drawn into the Abuse by the Abuser themselves through MANIPULATION, encouraging the child to turn against the abused parent
Help for children and teenagers
Need advice or just want to talk? Call ChildLine. Calls are free and confidential.
Whatever age children are being drawn into the Abuse even through witnessing.
Effects are;
- Low self-esteem
- Being hurt physically and emotionally
- Growing up with fear
- Very poor attendance at school
- Ashamed to bring friends at home
- Blaming themselves for the fight at home
- Taking drugs
- Committing crimes
- Difficult peer relationships
- Attempt suicide
- Isolation out of shame
CHILDREN RELY ON THEIR CARETAKERS/PARENT
It is from us they learn good and bad behaviour
Protective factors are; VERY VITAL-GET OUT!
It'll never get better the Abuse always will get worse with each passing day!
CHANCES are you will lead a normal life and your children will not carry on the cycle of ABUSE
With help of therapist and Organisations such as NSPCC help is here only a phone call away.
I only can recommend that seeking and asking for help and support after you come out of an abusive relationship is not a shame.
In fact it's vital to find your feet back on the ground
Guided by people who are experienced working with victims and survivors of Domestic Abuse
The Hideout, a website for children and young people produced by Women's Aid.
Stop domestic violence now
Women's Aid have created this space to help children and young people to understand domestic abuse, and how to take positive action if it's happening to you.
use this link to go to THE HIDEOUT http://www.thehideout.org.uk
Copyright © 2008 - Malaika Cohen & www.refuse-abuse-dont-give-up.com