I Refuse Abuse - Aftermath

It isn’t over once you made that decision to leave – the truth is; there is an aftermath a whole lot of emotions to deal with.

No matter of how bad this relationship has been you will go through certain kind of stages to overcome the abuse!

Bare in mind children who have witness and suffered under the abuse at home will go through exactly the same pain to overcome this terrible experience in their young lives! This is called the aftermath it will hit you without warning- a part of the healing.

It isn't over because you left, the rebuilding of your life has just begun. It is a long process and depends of each individual. Whatever you feel with each passing day, to a new start, it is just normal from what you just escaped!

You are a survivor now - no longer a victim!

Nobody can tell you how you supposed to feel though we all are the same being but yet so unique and different. We perceive most things differently from one another it makes us such unique human beings. Your insecurities make others feel insecure, and others insecurities make you feel insecure.

The end of a relationship is like a loss and you will grieve even if this relationship was bad for you and very unhealthy. See some ways below of how you might experience the AFTERMATH of this abuse

Realisation and working through this is a long process with time you will find yourself a step closer to happiness.

Feeling almost frozen from within this is how most will start this time.

Denial is the shock of having left or being left. You might tell yourself that things were not that bad after all. Feeling of believe and disbelieve, is this for real or are we might be getting back together again? Realization and working through this early stage of pain is a very long process however it depends on each individual, for some it might tale longer then what it does for somebody else. The feeling of numbness almost frozen from within is part of the healing process. Unfortunate we must go through this pain to be able to heal its necessary, not fair I know. Acceptance is a step closer to your freedom, accepting the inevitable.

Yearning for the all too familiar routine and habit even though it was bad for you you'll be yearning for the loss of your partner. The wrong kind of attention is sometimes especially for victims better then no attentions. The adrenaline shot is no longer there, emptiness is all there is. Especially when children are involved they are hoping that their parent's are getting back together. Children too will experience the same kind of emotions just as you; they too will go through this process. Very hard for a single parent, yet doable, I am a single parent and had my children going through the same pain as I went through.

Numbness this form of loss is very early experienced in the whole process it is a form of a protection. Shelter one from all the hurt I felt this numbness for a long time before I was able to move on.

Shock whereas everything was predictable before this now no longer will be possible now that the relationship has broken down. For the first weeks my children and I were so shocked that we were unable to function probably, we walked alienated during this early stage.

Sadness I like to stress here that sadness is not a form of depressions. Sadness is always almost accompanied by loss and grief. The feeling of crying into endless weeping and the loss of interest in things you usually enjoy. Interrupted sleep pattern because of anxiety and fears, restlessness are the signs.

Anger this is another form of the healing process do not feel ashamed of your own feelings they are so normal after all you just have experienced. From frustrations to not understanding at all needing all those unanswered questions, so many whys. Anger can be directed toward anyone close to you; it also can be directed toward yourself. It can lead to self-harm feeling of guilt that is completely irrational nevertheless guilt feeling responsible for might should have done as I was told, if only.

Anxiety will you be capable of managing on you own, paying bills rent and for food as many other expenses? This was a very big worry of mine and I did not cope well with very little money to budget with. Sometimes you experience panic attacks all the familiar has gone. You feel lost as you walk already into freedom of new life. You even find at times that you miss your abusive spouse. Those times are very critical and bare in mind don't go back though you are thinking of it? Nothing will have changed it is only you who can change their behaviour; you never can change anyone else. You half way there on the other site of the tunnel, this too are part of the healing. Tears, anger and fears as pain are part of the whole healing process.

Relief that; all the violence and abuse have stopped, feeling safe for the first time in a long time. Nobody is coming to tell you how to feel and what to do. No more feeling of worthlessness, weak and helplessness, being able to breath easy again.

Adjusting to life once I reached this stage a whole new world has opened to me. At first I felt unfamiliar

with all this given peace and freedom of choice, walking on soft sand I kept sinking it was not long before I was used and liked this new form of living my life. It is definite doable after all the grieving anger and frustration there comes the time of revelations, realising that life without your abusive partner is much better. Adjusting to the new life and role you taken on, there will be periods of regressions are very likely beginning to cope without your partner, moments of pleasure and laughter, enjoying your life finally.

Those are some of the signs of dealing with the aftermath, there of course are also the financial site.

Emotionally moving on this is the best part, gaining back you self-esteem and confidence. Taking up old interests and hobbies or new ones, getting involved in a social life again, meeting old friends and making new friends. Acceptance is by all means the way forward, you can not change the behaviour of your abusive partner, and you only can change your behaviour- by leaving this impossible relationship behind.

Through all of this you'll find your inner self! Don't give up!