Break the Silence!

Run for your lives. Run! Run! Get out!

 

 

  

Smashing the chains of abuse is never easy it requires courage and a lot of inner strength that is something most victims don't have. I feel it is our duty to encourage and motivate all those who are still trapped this very moment with this silent crime behind closed doors. Victims often stay in abusive relationships through fear, habit and low self esteem. Education is something that is very important when it comes to help and understand of why victims are unable to get out themselves in most cases. For some it is already too late.

 

 

On average 3 women are killed in America by the hands of their partners or former partners.

 

Are you a woman experience domestic abuse?

Are you a men experience domestic violence?

Do you a young person or child want to know more about domestic abuse?

 

 

 If you are reading this page you may be taking the steps towards recognising that there is something wrong with your relationship.

 

If you are in immediate danger

Call the police 999/911. The police will take domestic violence seriously.

 

Domestic Abuse is a problem that can no longer be ignored and is still a modern day taboo.

 

 

 

We need a resolution to this global issue that affects far too many women and men and most of all the innocent children being caught up in this silent crime behind closed doors. I have created this site for the primary reason to break the insidious cycle of fear that crime has over far too many lives. I believe it is time NOW to help victims understand how they can break the shackles and actually walk into freedom of new life. No one should live their life in fear of another person.

And for family, friends, neigbours and co workers to get involved; open your eyes and hearts to the suffering around you. Domestic Abuse is everyone's issue.First and most of all I want to encourage any person that finds themselves or a friend and family members in a violent or abusive relationship to open their eyes and hearts to see the suffering around them.   Many people view domestic violence as exclusively part of certain ethnic or racial communities, or as unique to certain classes, within their societies. Domestic Abuse stalks victims the world over, making no allowance for race, creed, gender, age or wealth. 

The staggering statistic is that in the time you take to read this the UK police will have received 10 telephone calls reporting domestic violence.

Domestic violence is a serious problem around the world. It violates the fundamental human rights of women and often results in serious injury or death. While statistics vary slightly, women are victims of violence in approximately 95% of the cases of domestic violence.

Violence against women is a critical public health problem that has devastating physical and emotional consequences for women, children and families. The effects are as far reaching as ripples caused on the water by a stone breaking the surface. It is important to remember that research shows an abused woman is at most risk at the point of separation and immediately after leaving an abusive partner. (a woman is beaten every 15 seconds), it is an issue of increasing concern because of its negative effect on all family members, especially children.

However

Men are victims of domestic violence too at the hands of both female and male partners.
The number of men who are abused by their partners is only one percentage point less than the number of women who are abused.
But the stigma is so great that men are much less likely to seek help or call the police.
"There is reluctance on the part of the spousal-violence industry to acknowledge that females could be perpetrators and males could be victims,"

Statistics on the prevalence of the problem indicate that domestic violence is a worldwide epidemic.Studies show that between one quarter and one half of all women in the world have been abused by intimate partners.  

According to the Family Violence Prevention Fund (FVPF), 1 in every 3 women in the world has experienced sexual, physical, emotional or other abuse in her lifetime. The World Health Organization (WHO) reports that in forty-eight surveys from around the world, 10% - 69% of women stated that they had been physically assaulted by an intimate partner at some point in their lives.

 

• Women aged 15-44 are more at risk from rape and domestic violence than from cancer, motor accidents, war and malaria according to the World Bank data.

Several global surveys suggest that half of all women who die from homicide are killed by their current or former husbands or partners. In Australia, Canada, Israel, South Africa and the United States, 40% - 70% of female murder victims were killed by their partners, according to the World Health Organization (WHO).

  

In Columbia, one woman is reportedly killed by her partner or former partner every six days. In the UK two women are killed every week by their partners or former partners. 10 suicides attribute every week due to domestic abuse, women being forced into prostitution coming from domestic abuse backgrounds - to feed their children, facing financial problems trying to make ends meet, due to domestic abuse.

  

There are now more experts, consultants, practitioners, activists, bureaucrats, and academics working on domestic violence than ever before. It seems we've never known so much about domestic violence. Yet DA remains the most chronically underreported crime. The shame and disgrace victims  feel often prevents them from crying out for help.

Domestic Abuse causes such total breakdown of self-esteem that the victim will almost always believe they are at fault and will undoubtedly believe they cannot escape from their situation. Abuse often remains hidden. Very few women reported seeking help from formal services like health and police, or from individuals in positions of authority despite the health consequences.

Instead they reach out to friends, neighbors, and family members. It is never easy just to leave. Leaving takes a great deal of strength and courage. An abused woman often faces huge obstacles such as nowhere to go, no money and no-one to turn to for support. An abused woman is at most risk at the point of separation and immediately after leaving an abusive partner. The perpetrator is losing control over his victim, his life is becoming disrupted, and perpetrators are actually very insecure, they control and abuse in order to hide their own insecurities. Therefore a woman is at great risk leaving. Too often we stay in familiar situations because we're scared to leave, and we hope against hope, that things will get better.

Many more survivors of domestic violence are not reporting their abusers to the police or accessing services at domestic violence services due to reasons such as shame, fear, or being prevented from doing so by their abusers. For this reason, we may never know the true extent of abuse in our country and in our state.

 

I am a survivor of domestic abuse

  

Cut the shackles, set you free and those around you affected by it, your precious children.

 

Abuse often remains hidden. Very few women reported seeking help from formal services like health and police, or from individuals in positions of authority despite the health consequences. Instead they reach out tofriends, neighbours, and family members. The shame and disgrace victims  feel often prevents them from crying out for help. Domestic Abuse causes such total breakdown of self-esteem that the victim will almost always believe they are at fault and will undoubtedly believe they cannot escape from their situation.   Keeping silent, is a common reaction of female and male victims of domestic abuse, its' too embarrassing.

Men typically face a greater degree of disbelief and ridicule than do most women in this situation, which helps enforce the silence. I urge everyone to break the silence surrounding domestic violence by openly talking about it, bring the subject into discussion, talking with friends and co workers about it, break this modern day taboo, to help feel victims no longer alone and  isolated with this crime behind closed doors.  

Children are the silent victims in the Abuse at home.

 

Up to 275 million children worldwide witness domestic abuse yearly.

 

My mind is forever branded with the memories of my children having witnessed far too many unsettling things in their young lives. Although now free from abuse for six years my children are still profoundly effected through all the abuse: sleepless nights, fear of the dark, fear and distrust of men, difficulty in forming and maintaining friendships with their peers, see-sawing between overachievement and poor attendance in school to suffering from post traumatic distress.

These are just some of the effects of domestic abuse on all three of my children still living with today.  

Children can be killed, physically injured, psychologically harmed, or neglected as a result of either domestic violence or child abuse. Domestic violence perpetrators sometimes intentionally injure children in an effort to intimidate and control their adult partners. These assaults can include physical, emotional, and sexual abuse of the children.

They have no say in the daily choices we make; they suffer in silence with all this violence. Children learn good and bad behavior from us; children growing up with Domestic Abuse are more likely to continue the cycle of Abuse! 73% of children that grow up witnessing domestic violence end up abusing their spouses in later life, and 65% of children that are abused by their parents will seek for a physically and verbally abusive relationship, because abuse is all they have known and find it safe and familiar. Up to 275 million children worldwide witness domestic abuse yearly.

Our children of today are our leaders of tomorrow. That should inspire anyone to help break the cycle of this insidious crime.  

Domestic violence and child abuse take a devastating toll on children and society at large.
Early childhood victimization, either through direct abuse, neglect, or witnessing parental domestic violence, has been shown to have demonstrable long-term consequences for youth violence, adult violent behaviors, and other forms of criminality.

Children can be killed, physically injured, psychologically harmed, or neglected as a result of either domestic violence or child abuse.


Domestic violence perpetrators sometimes intentionally injure children in an effort to intimidate and control their adult partners. These assaults can include physical, emotional, and sexual abuse of the children.
Children may also be injured - either intentionally or accidentally - during attacks on their mothers.
An object thrown or a weapon used against the mother may hit the child. Assaults on younger children may occur while the mother is holding the child, and injuries to older children often happen when they attempt to protect the mother by intervening.

Even when domestic violence does not result in direct physical injury to the child, it can interfere with both the mother's and the father's parenting to such a degree that the children may be neglected or abused.
A perpetrator is clearly not providing good parenting when he physically attacks the child's mother.
The physical demands of parenting can overwhelm mothers who are injured or have been kept up all night by beatings.

The emotional demands of parenting can be similarly daunting to an abused woman suffering from trauma, damaged self-confidence, and other emotional scars caused by years of abuse. In addition, abusers often - as a means of control - undermine their partner's parenting. 

Children growing up with Abuse being more likely to use Abuse outside the home, in school, toward friends and in their community, Children growing up living in and with Abuse are more likely to attempt suicide, taking drugs and using violence to boost their self-esteem and enhance reputation, stress anger, post traumatic stress and lower academic achievements, later in life. They feel isolated out of shame, having difficulties forming relationships with their own peers, they're ashamed of bringing friends at home.

Studies have shown that children exposed to violence, either as victims or witnesses, are more likely to become juvenile and adult offenders.

  

 

If you are having difficulty leaving things you should remember are:

·         The abuse is never your fault.

·         An abuser chooses to be abusive, alcohol; drugs, stress and insecurity are just excuses.

·         An abuser may say they will change but research and experience informs us that they rarely do.

·         If you have been hit once it will rarely be a 'one off'. Usually abuse will happen more frequently over time and get worse.

 

   There is cost of domestic violence apart from the ever growing homicides

Domestic violence damages the prospects for economic and social development of every country, not just the lives of the victims. Abuse affects children's performance in school and therefore their future productivity and the returns on national investments in schooling.

This violence reverberates in the workplace; generally, 70 percent of domestic violence victims are employed and over 70 percent of them report that the abusers harass them at work either over the telephone or in person. Perpetrators cause over 60 percent of the victims to be either late to and/or absent from work. The answer is not to fire the employee/victim, although sadly that often has been the corporate response. As an alternative, in order to help the employee while preserving the corporate investment in that employee's training and work, the most valuable contribution the employer can make to its employee is to be supportive of the victims and to assist them in keeping safe.

 

The way forward

There has been significant progress in establishing international standards and norms. International and regional legal and policy instruments have clarified the obligations of countries to eradicate and punish violence against women. However, States are failing to meet the requirements of the international legal and policy framework. Violence against women must be prioritized at all levels - it has not yet received the priority required to enable significant change. Leadership and political will is critical. There is need for investment of resources and for consistent assistance, especially to the least developed countries and countries emerging from conflict. A more cohesive and strategic approach is needed from all actors, including governments, international community and civil society.

 

 

Stigma and fear prevent victims from seeking help.

You can help break the silence surrounding this silent crime and killer behind closed doors.

Your part in all of this is to break the silence of this modern day taboo by openly talking about it. Bring this subject into discussion during meetings or over a coffee with friends, famliy and co workers. Do not be afraid to talk about this silent crime behind closed doors. In doing so you help victims to feel no longer allienate with modern day taboo.

We all have a role to play in educating young people about relationships and domestic abuse.  Delivering domestic violence preventive education programmes in schools and external settings: the most positive way to reduce and eliminate domestic violence and its effects on children and young people is through a strategy of preventive education work.

  

I have heard from so many victims and within trapped their children caught up in this warzone at home, behind closed doors called DOMESTIC VIOLENCE.

As a survivor of this insidious crime I call everyone trapped within domestic violence;

Come out from amongst them run for your lives because this is about your life run run like you never have run before. Make a decision. Reclaim your life - you deserve it - and so do your children. Nobody has the right to control your life, you have been given a free will and you choose who and what you want to be.

 

 

Safety Plan and Tips for You and Your Family
English version - PDF